Wish

April 15, 2009 at 12:01 am 5 comments

Spinning, circles across the lawn
a penny into the pond
sending out circles, ripples
little waves the crash against the bank.

The grass tickling against my skin,
I fall to the ground,
raising my chin to the sky
breathing in, sweet perfume

Dusk settles quietly,
cold breezes begin to tease, lifting
swirling around and hugging the contours
of a wish come true.

NaPoWriMo is doing some interesting things for my writing, but here is my latest attempt. Comments?

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Entry filed under: Uncategorized.

Happy Resurection Sunday ;) Love Story meets Viva La Vida

5 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Georgie  |  April 15, 2009 at 12:43 am

    I like this one. I’m not sure about the first stanza…going straight from spinning on the grass to the penny into the water sort of confuses me. Maybe it’s my inability to understand writing…and it’s also super late at night. Or early in the morning. … However you perceive it, I suppose. πŸ˜€

    Nicely done. I really like the overall composition of the piece. It’s nice and makes me think of my favorite park. πŸ™‚

  • 2. Q  |  April 15, 2009 at 8:53 am

    I like the last two lines. A lot.

  • 3. Maribeth  |  April 15, 2009 at 1:18 pm

    You are amazing. πŸ™‚

    Like really.

  • 4. Maya  |  April 18, 2009 at 12:40 pm

    Love this.

  • 5. Danielle  |  April 18, 2009 at 12:43 pm

    Georgie, it obviously needs editing still, and I agree with you on the first bit, but my whole goal with NaPoWriMo is to get the initial writing done, go back and edit later. Some of my poems I know are going to be like, so not keeping kind of poems, but others like this one I’m planning on editing and changing for the better later πŸ˜€

    Q, Maribeth, Maya, thanks πŸ˜€

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